10 pitfalls when approaching a dominant woman: #4 Fill In the Blank.

On September 4, 2020, d20domme and Subby_girl presented the topic 10 Pitfalls When Approaching A FemDom for Dating Kinky’s FemDom Friday. The original presentation was free to all who joined us live, and was recorded for Dating Kinky’s PLUS members to access through the Dating Kinky Library (over 400 videos and 550 hours of content!).

Here is a clip from that 80 minute show, where they talk about pitfall number 4, the fill-in-the-blank approach.



d20domme: Then we’ve got fill in the blank.

Subby_girl: Yeah, this one again.

So many messages. One-liners is what I like to call them.

You know, “Can I be useless?” “Can I be used up?” “Going to be your toy?” “Gonna be your this,” and that and that.

And that’s it.

And I mean, that’s nice, right?

You get an offer like that? And you think, “Okay I get that, you know. I, oh, I feel flattered-ish. A little, but

why, why are you interested in serving me? Why are you interested in being my sub or slave or whatever, you know, and how are you going to serve me?”

Like am I supposed to come back and then ask you a million questions and you know, and and I found that if I do come back and I ask all these questions all day, and they say this safe thing:

“Well, you tell me whatever you want to do.”


Yeah, so I think like, you know, whenever a person or a subbie sends a message like this, I think that what they should do is, you know, just you have to realize you aren’t the only person who are messaging FemDoms.


Don’t think you’re the only people that…You’re sending messages.

They’re getting hundreds of messages.

So usually you know, think of your message as a short resume, you know?

Each to include something that says, you know, introduce yourself and something that makes you stand out above the other messages that we’re getting, you know.

Okay, sure. You’re offering yourself to be my sub or my slave. But you know, how are you going to serve me?

d20domme: Yeah and the big thing for me with things like this — because I get a lot of messages like this — where it’s, “Can I be your…” and like just a whole just whole slew of things you can think of.

And it’s one of those things where I want someone who’s going to submit to me when I desire, not someone who’s already bent over from the get-go, ready to go.

It doesn’t feel very personal to me.

It feels like you could swap me out with any other FemDom and you’d be just as happy.

For me…

Subby_girl: Right.

d20domme: Doing this is an earned thing. It’s not something that I just go around and go, “Oh, yes. You, boy. You look like you would be a good sub.” or “You look like you’d be a good toy.” or I’m, you know, “I like this about you. Do it. Now.”

This is not something that I readily give out to someone. And so approaching me asking immediately in the first message — usually right off the bat, if you can be this sort of thing for me — is a huge, huge turnoff.

I take D/s very seriously because I live it 24/7 and so to me this immediately tells me you’re playing a game and I’m not.

We’re not…we’re not, you know, we’re not thinking about D/s in the same way. And so it’s an automatic “No” for me when I see this.

One thing I think is important to understand when talking about messages like this and the people who receive them is that it absolutely does depend on what they want.

I don’t know single lifestyle dominant who would take a message offering any sort of submission right off the bat seriously.

Not a one.

HOWEVER, I do know many prodommes who will react favorably to messages like this.

Not all.

Some prodommes who screen their clientele will find a message like this shows them the client they are getting, which is not compatible with their style.

SOME online dominants, those who enjoy the fantasy of online play, but whose lives don’t allow for in-person interaction will enjoy something like this. Because it gets them (and their potential cyber partner) off, with no strings.

Of course, a lot of these ladies also prefer to make some sort of connection before jumping right in.

The one class of FemDom who will always, 100% accept this sort of offer, though?

Scammers. Fakes. Frauds.

They will accept the offer, build up hopes, and then ask for money in a bait-and switch. They will ask for “tribute” to meet, then not show up. They will ask for help with their rent. Or “You’ll have to join this site to chat with me.”

Because they re not looking for a connection to you, the chat can be immediately about sex or kink. Their only concern is whether they might get a connection to your wallet.

Now, I’m not going to tell you what you must do. You’re an adult, and you can make your own choices.

I’m simply pointing out that you have a greater chance of bombing with a message like the one mentioned here than you would with something better, perhaps like:


Or, maybe you prefer to take your chances.

What are your thoughts?

Dominant women: Have you received message like this? How do you view them? Positively? Negatively?

Submissives: Have you sent messages like this? What kind of responses have you gotten?

D20domme is presenting “He Wears The Dress: Cross Dressing & Feminization For Newbies” for our upcoming FLR, FemDom, & Women In Charge event June 10–12.

More information here: https://womenincharge.info/

You can learn more about d20domme here: https://www.mundanetoms.com/




Writing about healthy and fun sex, ethical non-monogamy and kink for everyone, running a kinky dating site at https://datingkinky.com, and exploring life.

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Nookie @ Dating Kinky

Nookie @ Dating Kinky

Writing about healthy and fun sex, ethical non-monogamy and kink for everyone, running a kinky dating site at https://datingkinky.com, and exploring life.

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