A Domme By Any Other Name Would Still Smell As…Foul?

I had a conversation recently with someone on a kink site that has stuck in my mind, and bothered me a bit.

Not so much for myself.

But for those who perhaps run afoul of some of the nasties in kink, or those who do their “research” through internet memes and stories about female domination written by men posing as women, offering a very extreme male-fantasy-centric viewpoint.

And since I’ve have this conversation, I’ve had several others along similar lines that give the same impression.

That all dominant women in all roles, D-type, cuckoldress, Mistress, whathaveya, are cruel, unforgiving, and apparently don’t pay any attention to limits or simple ethics.

Here is the conversation I had, with a “dominant man,” on another site.

We’ll call him, MisterMcDomlyPants.


I have a question I hope you dont mind I have a girl switch who serves me, she has a bf whom she wants to be her cuckold under my supervision and she wants to serve me along with him The question I have for a domme about male subs, if you put him in chastity and use pegging on him, daily, weekly, how long and how often does the sub need pegging until he is bisexual he is hetero or enjoys bisex During this training period do you let him use his cock at all in hetero sex with a female as a reward for taking strapons in his ass? how intense should the strapon session be? what is the frequency and what is the length of time before he himself wants pegging rather than normal cock penetration of vagina? You dont know the answer, please make an informed guess or perhaps some dommes shared this info with you at some point? I would really appreciate your comment and advice on this issue

I replied:

In my view, pegging pleasure has absolutely ZERO to do with bisexuality. Bisexuality or homosexuality is a sexual orientation.

Pegging and other forms of sexual pleasure are just that-pleasure.

MisterMcDomlyPants then said:

so all of that domme boasting of make slaves sissies, of sissification of a straight man into loving and enjoying forced bisex is just bunk??? Lots of dommes have told me if I allow them they can turn me by way of training even me a dominant male into a bisexual friendly or bisex loving dude who enjoys getting humped by a gay man for her viewing pleasure I had trouble believing but I also know physical conditioning repeat physical and sexual conditioning can change some people if forced on them for a long period of time I am not sure how long and to what extent to use a reward system for behavior modification and internal modification Most people who love the lifestyle jump in on consensual basis and most of them play using safe words I have never done hardcore reorientation to someone using pegging, it has to be so intensely pleasurable it overcomes fear, inhibitions and lots of other obstacles in allowing a domme to reorient a sub

So, I said:

There is a difference between pleasure and sexual orientation

Most forced bi is simply men who want permission to follow their hedonistic pleasures. And sucking cock is not a homosexual act Its simply pleasure. Most of those men are oriented towards women for their love and relationships, and just enjoy pleasure in whatever forms.

I don’t do forced anything like that, because it’s really just a person pretending they don’t want what they want, and using someone else as an excuse to let themselves have it, and offering them the blame later, when they feel dirty or guilty.

Not my personal style.

Also, if someone’s mind changes so easily, they are not my type.

I prefer those who know what they want and go for it.

MisterMcDomlyPants is STILL very focused on this particular viewpoint. So much that I’m thinking that “asking for a friend” is really not, and that maybe he’s invested in a specific outcome for a more personal reason.

I never thought it would be something within a few weeks or months, I am thinking its a year of training some dommes are suggesting a few weeks of pegging and chastity and he will turn easily

something else another a dominant couple suggested, that the gf should sell him on the idea that long term pegging increases his stamina, makes his dick bigger, harder, more pleasurable, that it helps men become a stud, a bull, that way she can get him to put up with lots of pegging long term, I should also perhaps get another young female sub to entice him along with his gf, the promise of really hot times ahead, that he can handle two girls after all the pegging training, maybe have the two girls give him small rewards every now and then, while his gf pegs him relentlessly and slowly readies him for his new found sexuality That way he thinks he is becoming more masculine and will have a bigger dick for his gf and the new sexy girl, while in reality his gf is turning him into an anal sex loving bisexual friendly pet How does that strike you?

I felt like this was getting ridiculous at this point, So, I figured I’d end it.

Like I said, none of that interests me, including lying about stamina.

In fact, thinking on that more, that’s a pretty disgusting thing to do. I would suggest seriously rethinking what kind of human would lie to someone who trusts them to simply get their own way sexually.

I won’t respond on this topic again

Sure enough, that set him off. Like it’s not about someone else at all, really. But I could be wrong. Perhaps MisterMcDomlyPants is just railing against the unfairness of women-led relationships in general, or something in the replies he sends to that:

you sound like you are the top of the UN leadership defending the planet when 75 to 90 per cent of all the dommes on this very site have unimaginable horrors in store for subs including manipulative methods that strip them of their humanity, did you stop for one minute to think about subs in cages and castration and forced bisex, not because the subs like it but because they have been manipulated by a female who uses their weaknesses to suck up their life just like vampires One exception does not make the rule And dommes like you are in such large quantities so many of the lifestyle has ceased to exist and became a thing of the past

Spare me the pretend indignation and holier than thou BS I appreciate it but BDSM is about manipulation and the STRONGER USING THE WEAK, did you think this was vanilla love in a fairy tale world wrapped in justice, dignity, integrity and honor? Are you on drugs?

And that was not enough. He had to come back and say even more.

you have to ask yourself what kind of woman would lead a man to be deceived into bisex or become locked up in a chastity device from the depraved middle ages and the dark ages of europe this is about dungeons and torture and you need to ask your species and gender if they have become monsters rather the empowered women I am not doing anything to this guy he hasnt done to himself, he is a weakling allowing his girl to use him, I dont know him, he is a stranger, she is a stranger who came to me seeking to satisfy their primal sexual urges and A DEEP NEED INSIDE, sounds familiar? You gotta ask yourself what are you doing dabbling in BDSM if you want to pretend its all fairy tale love and honesty BDSM IS THE DARK SHIT HOLE and you are pointing the finger at me Maybe you think dominant men are weaker than dominant women? FOR AGES WOMEN HAVE USED THEIR GENDER, SEX AND SEXUAL POWER TO MANIPULATE THEIR WAY INTO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING You have been bred to use your sex to this end for thousands of years and I dont see any women stopping and thinking about it In BDSM women are even more evil, conniving and conspiring than men, they are the bad apple offering themselves to adam so he can rot in hell with them outside of paradise LMAO you are way too amusing with that comment yeah women dont lie in bdsm about sexual stamina to men, you trying to pull a fast on me? LOL

So, I don’t know about you, but this actually made me feel his hurt and frustration.

Now, I don’t pretend to know what he is hurt or frustrated about, although I might have a few guesses, but that matters little.

Because It feels like this person actually believes this is true of ALL women-in-charge relationships and of all women.

And MisterMcDomlyPants is not alone.

In the past two weeks, I’ve fielded questions about how dominants get to decide everything and submissives don’t get any say, and that’s just how it is, right? Or about how dominant women who enjoy male bisexuality MAKE their submissives perform on dominant men, even when they are not bi or even flexible. And about how cuckoldresses totally disrespect their cuckolds, and they were torn between wanting this kink that turns them on and a loving lifetime relationship with a woman.

Now, please understand me. I don’t deny that these women are out there.

Hell, I had a conversation the other day with a woman:

She said:

Do you enjoy paddling males?

I replied:

Sometimes. Spanking is not a huge kink for me, but it’s fun now and again.

She came back at me with:

Adults Learn When Bottoms Burn!
Spare the Rod, Spoil the Man!
Spare the Rod, Spoil the Day!
Behind Every Good Man Is A Lady With A Paddle!

Wow! That’s enthusiastic, and well, VERY not my style. It also smacks of female supremacy, and I don’t subscribe to the idea that what dangles between someone’s legs is an indicator of quality.

I simply replied:

I’m thrilled that that works for you.

My Pet and I don’t need a punishment dynamic to be amazing together. It’s not our choice, and that is what works for us.

She did not continue the discussion, which is to her favor. I’ve had others argue with me and call me “fake” for not doing things the way they do it.

And subs tell me that as soon as a submissive can set a limit, it means they are in charge, because they are making rules.

So, I guess where I’m going with this is simple:

YES, these things exist. All those fantasies have a root in reality. They probably have happened.

Maybe NOT exactly the way you read about them, the subs are probably more willing partners than they let on, and there has been quite a lot of negotiation and blah, blah, blah.

But there will always be people living right on the edge of doing edgy stuff with strangers, and handing over total power. There have always been abusers in and out of this lifestyle.

I do feel for those who not only have not experienced the “other side” of this lifestyle, the side of love and silliness and compassion and mutual fulfillment, but also for those who encounter people who live on that side, and just can’t bring themselves to accept the invitation, or even to ask a few more questions to learn whether it exists.

Originally published at https://datingkinky.com on September 2, 2020.




Writing about healthy and fun sex, ethical non-monogamy and kink for everyone, running a kinky dating site at https://datingkinky.com, and exploring life.

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Nookie @ Dating Kinky

Nookie @ Dating Kinky

Writing about healthy and fun sex, ethical non-monogamy and kink for everyone, running a kinky dating site at https://datingkinky.com, and exploring life.

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