BDE (Big Dick Energy) and Confident Versus Cocky

Confident vs. Cocky

Back in my days of exploring the world of pickup artistry (over a decade ago), a friend of mine in that scene asked me to record a few videos for him with tips for men from a woman on what we look for.

  • lack of confidence
  • insecurity
  • cockiness

Why confidence?

Well, insecurity or cockiness (versus a lack of confidence) is a sure sign of emotional weakness, and expression of confidence is the opposite of those.


  1. belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance: His lack of confidence defeated him.
  2. certitude; assurance: He described the situation with such confidence that the audience believed him completely.


arrogant; pertly self-assertive; conceited: He walked in with a cocky air.

How to tell the difference?

Here are a few examples I have used (and/or experienced during dating):

Is lack of BDE a failing in a human or a potential mate?

I don’t believe so. In fact, like I said, I think we are all a mixture of feelings of confidence, lack of confidence, insecurity and cockiness in various degrees.

BDE is also not a universal standard.

Some people see BDE where I see cockiness. Some people see cockiness where I see confidence.

What are your thoughts?

Do you have any good examples of confident BDE versus cocky insecurity that I missed? (I am sure there are thousands.)

And I almost forgot…

Here is a website pretty much entirely devoted to Big Dick Energy and general all-around bad-assery:



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