Consent FRIES (and a bit more.)

Consent is key in kink, but I also maintain that it is key in life.

And, if you’ve been following me for long, you know that I am ALL ABOUT strong boundaries. And boundaries, in all aspects of life (physical, sexual, emotional, financial, time, and intellectual) are all about what you consent to having in your life.

Which, once you start to think about, can be pretty mind-blowing.

One of the questions I offer to help you understand your emotional boundaries, for example, is, “Do you allow or welcome others to examine or probe your emotions?”

Because this matters.

When you are in conversation, what you consent to share or allow others others to dig for will determine how you engage, and how you ask them to engage (or remove yourself from the situation).

So, since consent is at the core of everything, it’s incredibly helpful to understand just what consent actually is.

So, of course, I made a video.


The inspiration…

I was talking to a friend a few days back, and they said:

Ethics question of the day…
Can you have something that is both unwanted and consensual?
My default is Yes.

And I replied, “Yes. I don’t want to do the dishes. I consent to them. That’s why I changed the FRIES acronym for an upcoming video.”

And I then realized that I REALLY should finish that video. LOL!

In the course of the conversation, I added, “Yes. I use ‘engaged.’ Because ‘enthusiastic’ dismisses sex work, for example. And I chose revocable instead of reversible, because reversal suggests retracing steps, and you can only go forward.”

They replied:

I like that explanation.
You can take it back, but only for the future, not the past.

And this bit is what inspired me to open the files and finish that video immediately and get it scheduled. And so I did.

What are your thoughts?

Do you practice consent throughout your life, or do you pretty much only ever think about it in regards to kink, or sex, or intimacy?

Do you understand your own boundaries of consent as well as you’d like? And how well would you say you understand the boundaries of others in your life who are important to you?




Writing about healthy and fun sex, ethical non-monogamy and kink for everyone, running a kinky dating site at, and exploring life.

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Nookie @ Dating Kinky

Nookie @ Dating Kinky

Writing about healthy and fun sex, ethical non-monogamy and kink for everyone, running a kinky dating site at, and exploring life.

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