Trauma Colored Glasses

  1. Be kind. Kind to them, kind to yourself when you fail to get through. No one is perfect, and no one can do it alone. Frustration or anger, even directed inward will kill your hopes, and send them running.
  2. Be consistent. Be who you are, and be it constantly for them and with them. This is good for you, too, and if you have difficulty there, look into your own traumas for acknowledged or unacknowledged hurts.
  3. Be willing to repeat the positive things. A LOT. People with trauma have a hard time hearing good stuff. Say it a lot. SHOW it a lot. Like 10x more than you might think is necessary.
  4. It’s not about you. Their trauma is not about you. If they accuse you of cheating (and you HAVE NOT AT ALL) or anything else like that, that’s not you they are reacting to. It’s their trauma and fears. No need to get upset back at them. It’s not about you.
  5. Do not, I repeat DO NOT, try to FORCE them to see or to understand. In many cases, that’s going to be re-traumatizing or traumatizing in a different way. Understand that they have to pick up their pieces on their own. You cannot do it for them. You can help, when they ask you to and in exactly the ways they ask you to. But don’t non-consensually insert yourself into their trauma or their mind. Even if it seems to work, it has a high chance of biting you in the ass later.

What are your thoughts?



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Nookie @ Dating Kinky

Nookie @ Dating Kinky


Writing about healthy and fun sex, ethical non-monogamy and kink for everyone, running a kinky dating site at, and exploring life.